your parents love me but you hate me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
