There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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