i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
