I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
