Tell her she can't have a vagina
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
