i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
