It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
the raccoons are back...
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