Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am one with the molecules
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
