you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
