like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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