I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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