HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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