one might say we're banned from that church
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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