Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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