i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
