I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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