Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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