Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
