he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
