she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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