Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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