Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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