Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
