I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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