soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
