I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
