pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
