if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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