ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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