Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
