I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
