I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I am one with the molecules
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize