So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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