i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
and you fell through a lawn chair
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
