dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
