If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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