We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
