I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
