Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Who died my cat blue again?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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