i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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