I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
