he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
