I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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