I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
