so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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