Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
