Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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