Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
