K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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