I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Randomize
