The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
