She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize