Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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