everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
