Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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