tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
