I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
