thus making me awesome and them whores
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
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