So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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