Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
