Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
