I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
