i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Congratulations! We have a period
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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