i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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