I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
