Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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