It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
