One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
