I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
