Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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