You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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