Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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