So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
