Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
