I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize