Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
