i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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