..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
