my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
