Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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