Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
