At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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