If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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