Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He had one of those small greek statue penises
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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