I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
