one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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