so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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