You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
