if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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