On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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