I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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