Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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