i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
