my sisters under your porch take her home
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
