yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
