I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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