did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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