They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
