I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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