You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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