Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
