cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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