why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize