Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
