why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
