i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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