Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize