The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize